February 22, 2008

BLP

My son.  He can make me laugh.  Dry, raunchy, subtle, controversial.  He understands a lot about how things effect me.  He breaks my heart when he tells me he’s disappointed me.  He never has.  I will regret the spilled milk the rest of my life.  He never deserved that tirade.  He’s not perfect but then I seem to cherish things more that are not perfect.  I know it’s a burden for him to know how much my life is wrapped up in him and how much I lean on him.  I wonder if that’s what pushed him so far away.  He says he won’t stay away forever but forever may be shorter than anyone knows.  A moment is too long. 

Like it or not he’s my baby and always will be.  When I carried him I felt these funny little movements.  I never knew what they were until about two month after he was born.  I was laying down resting with him next to me and I felt this funny little movement.  It was exactly like what I felt before.  I looked and saw he was moving his toes.  This has stuck with me throughout his life.  The funny thing is I still notice when he’s not wearing shoes he still moves his toes.  I don’t think he realizes he does this but I do.  I hope he never stops because it takes me back to a time when he needed me and I was most important to him. 

I’m not going to proof read this because I’m afraid I’ll delete it so here it is with whatever flaws there may be.

I love you to infinity.